w  rd 2 the woss

Why are we so obsessed with what happens to us, after we perish?

 

I suppose this question is stupid, as the answer seems fairly obvious. We are human beings, it is our raw, intuitive nature to inquire about the subjects we have no idea about. And of course, what is more interesting and undiscovered than our death? Our consciousness and it’s fate? 

 

But perhaps this astonishment has turned to obsession. Perhaps, even now, it is to be considered detrimental to our very being, our ideas and our thoughts. I believe this, because I too, have experienced the common existential crisis, and I too, have felt the crushing pits of reality weighing against me. I too, was scared - I believe it would even suffice to say that still, I hold true to my fear. That still, I hold true to my confusion.

 

However, in seeking the answers to all the universe has to offer, I find myself withering away to nothing but disappointment in the results of my finding of nothing. This, I wondered as I watched the stars twinkle vividly from my rooftop, is exactly the problem. My searching for answers, in the first place, may have been what caused me to find nothing - Hell, I didn’t even know what I was supposed to find. Some sort of god? A purpose?

 

Why do we all need a motive or an answer? Is it not just easier to be - to exist humbly and simply rather than expecting all of the great wonders of the universe to unfold themselves at your fingertips, with the unravelling as great as pulling a string and watching the woven ball of existence fall into meaningless strands?

 

And here you are, a tower of organic tissue and bones and blood, sitting in a room, reading an article. Or perhaps you’re outside. Wherever you are, you are surrounded by millions and millions of particles, that form things like the ocean and the air and the ground - and you are living. You are thinking and breathing, and while the universe is fiery and vividly expanding and exploding and screaming you are thinking of the words on this page and how they make sense in your brain and how you can picture all of this - and yet you are here.

 

Yet you are alive.

 

Like these things, there are so many things for a human being to consider. But, the problem here is that there is absolutely no end. No satisfaction. Just thoughts that lead to more thoughts and finally you are just completely overwhelmed by the omnipotence of reality, of the universe, of the fact that you are here and real, just as much so as a god you’ve never really seen or a black hole that is merely a theory…

 

This is what I think of, which is good. It’s great. Questioning our existence is a very real and very honest thing - it is actually a tell of the intelligence of our species. It shows us how conscious we are… but perhaps, not thinking may be better. It may be better as, there exists no point of chasing a topic with absolutely and definitively no answer. 

 

However, I can tell you that if you continue on this perilous tug of war you have with reality, with existence, with death, and with purpose- it will not end well for you, if it ends at all, ever. To believe that we are able to withhold all of the knowledge of the universe is completely ludicrous for a human, for someone of such little importance. And seeking these answers is equivalent to believing that. 

 

There is so much to be discussed, still. And there will always be more. This topic springs up an infinite amount of questions, begging to be answered. Yet as of now, there are no answers. I don’t think there will ever be.

 

Perhaps it is just better to be, to exist. Rather than asking everything you can think of, answer everything you can, and leave the rest to lay peacefully in your mind. It will all be taken care of in good time. 

 

And our importance? Our purpose? It is the beating of our hearts. We are important, because out of all the millions and millions of cells and after millions and millions of years, we jumped from singular to multi-cellular beings. We began the transition to humankind, whatever you make that out to be. We transcended the very probability of existence. We exist, yet we don’t just exist.

 

We are important because we are alive while the universe is rapidly expanding, while time is being made, and things that are beyond our human comprehension are waiting for us. We are important because we understand the words on this page. We are important because we are seeking answers. Yes, we are alive… But we are not just alive. We are living, living, living. With names and backgrounds and dreams and aspirations and souls. 

 

That’s all the purpose I need for now.